A Baby Miracle and a PNW Road Trip

Eden came right away...we expected this to be the case the next time around, but it wasn't so. After quite a few months of getting my hopes up, having them come crashing down, coping and then repeating the emotional and disappointing cycle, I finally went to a fertility treatment center to try and figure out the mystery. After looking into things and doing some testing, they couldn't tell me why I couldn't get pregnant, there wasn't really a reason.

We decided to do a round of treatment and it failed. After that, emotionally I needed a little time. A couple months later, we found out, despite previous normal TSH levels, that my TSH was wayyyyyy high and I began thyroid treatment. After getting my thyroid under control...which issue may possibly be due to my first pregnancy, I was even more hopeful of getting pregnant, but nothing...just the same old emotional roller coaster month after month. I felt like I would have more children, but I didn't know when. I knew it would be in Heavenly Father's timing, when His child was ready to come, and when He was ready to send him/her, but the hardest part, was not knowing when that would be or how, and wanting and longing for it to be right then, to be soon. We considered adoption, thinking maybe that was the way our baby would come...I love adoption. I think it is miraculous and a very special way that Heavenly Father's children are able to find their families on Earth. Every time we talked about it though, we were never moved to act and soon the thought would fade. Eventually, after prayer, we felt that we needed to do all that we could on our end...and that's all we could do. So we started more rounds of treatment.

 The first one went so well...everything lined up perfectly. Our hopes were high, so high...annnnnd nothing. Failed. We decided to try again. Once again, everything worked out great, each step of the process went smoothly and everything lined up...and it failed. At this point we were emotionally exhausted like never before and had exhausted our pocketbook from looking into every facet of my health to see what could be the problem and by paying for fertility treatments. It was recommended to us to try one more round of treatment before looking into other more expensive options. The price for a round of treatment, was about the same price of a northwest getaway that I had been dreaming of (growing up in Florida, I had yet to make my way as far as Oregon and Washington). After praying about it, I got the overwhelming feeling that the treatment wouldn't help, After everything had lined up so perfectly, for it to fail, just meant, to me that we had done what we could with treatment. So, we gave up. I gave it up to Heavenly Father - we'd done everything we could. Of course I was hopeful that we would receive a pleasant surprise one day in the future, I felt that it could be as long as 10 years away, who knew, so I forgot about it, really forgot about it. And rather than doing another round of treatment, we packed our bags and headed for the northwest.

We dropped off our sweet Eden Bug at grandma and grandpa Doxey's house (I tried not to cry - it being the longest we would be apart form her), We cranked up the  tunes, enabled the gps, and started digging into our essential road trip snacks...sweet treats for me and salty snacks for Reed. On our trip I noticed a few things that seemed a little out of the norm for me...like how I basically put down Reed's entire bag of Salt and Vinegar Chips instead of my bag of twizzlers. I remember brushing my teeth at night at each hotel we stayed at and gagging. I was craving a meat pie at Pike Place...not really even batting an eye at the dessert (except for this amazingly huge chocolate cream cake that cost more than my cheap self wanted to dish out).

It.was.so.much.fun! I loved every second of that trip...talking for hours with Reed in the car (a rarity, with our normal schedules), driving along the hood river watching the sunset, experiencing Multnomah falls, biking Portland, eating and eating. walking Cannon Beach, eating some more, driving the coast through Astoria, driving on roads with trees so tall on either side of us that we could only see the sky by looking straight up, touring the Space Needle and downtown Seattle, hiking near Mt. Rainier, going to a pizzeria that we thought was original to one town only to see it listed on the next town's exit sign, hahahaaaa. It was the best, but the best was actually yet to come.

[P h o t o  D u m p]

By the time we got home, I was so happy to squeeze my girl again, I felt so refreshed... and then I felt kinda nauseated at the same time. I had the fleeting thought that I could be pregnant (thinking about the chips, and the gagging, and the craving protein), but doubting it completely at the same time. It took me 5 days of feeling completely nauseated to finally work up the courage to take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to take it...I didn't want to see the negative results again and feel my heart break. I had finally let it all go. And then I prayed for strength and took that thing like a boss, haha. I did feel a pit in my stomach when it came time to look though, but It confirmed what I believed and what I was afraid to be wrong about....after two and a half years of secondary infertility, Jude was FINALLY on his way. I . Could. Not. Believe. It... I. Was. Pregnant!

It was such a surreal moment. I think anytime someone finds out they are pregnant, it is surreal, BUT when it is such a long battle before, I believe it is all the more surreal. The relief I felt, the gratitude I felt, was overwhelming. Finally. Finally, Finally. Of course shortly after, I began to have all of the pregnancy worries about the baby being okay and everything going well, but those began to subside as I realized that our prayers had finally been answered and that THIS was it, this baby (who is currently swaddled and sleeping on my lap) was coming, it was his time. I had learned so much - to truly live in and enjoy the present, to trust more in my Heavenly Father and to give my worries and cares to Him, and to call upon Him for promised blessing, rather than just waiting for Him to give them to me.

It is still surreal, that Jude is finally here. That he is real, that I was even pregnant with him long enough for him to be here. That I already birthed him....I still can't fully grasp it sometimes, even when his big blue 3 month eyes are staring seemingly into my soul. We love him. I am ever so grateful for him and for the things I learned while I waited for him to come. I am so glad Eden has a sibling.,,she SO needed a sibling and now she is loving on him and eagerly waiting for him to get big enough to play, and have slumber parties, and eat snacks with her.

I have wanted to write down the story of our journey to get Jude here, for quite some time now...This month marks a year since I started having pregnancy symptoms at the beginning of our needed and therapeutic road trip.  It also marks 3 and 1/2 years since we first started trying to have a second baby.

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